You ever lonely?

Whether it's lonely because losing your girlfriend or wife, or livelihood, or because you are indeed anyone who likes to be alone, there is always a way to overcome them. Palling turns out that lonely people are teenagers not adults. So according to extensive research Dr. Ladd Wheeler, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester and Dr.Philip Shaver, professor of psychology at the University of Denver in the United States. Why just teens? Because teenagers have yet to find their identity. "Their world is not structured and they have not found a suitable place in it." Teenager who tried to live separated from their parents and families experiencing the most difficult time in testing the ability of social psychology. "Once you become an adult you will know how to cope with the loneliness," said Shaver. The researchers mentioned two categories of loneliness:

- Lonely as a state

Lonely because circumstances may occur if you suddenly go to a new place or lose a loved one. You will continue to feel it until you find a new friend or get a replacement lover. Such loneliness in middle age usually occurs when changing jobs either because of being fired, promoted or retired.

Lonely as character-

This occurs because the bleak loneliness you may have lost a parent in childhood, either due to death or divorce. You fail to develop your social skills or lack of self-respect. All of the above make an easy get hurt or feel rejected.

Women are more sympathetic

Wheeler argues that there are two findings from the study on the subject of loneliness in Rochester:

- The more often a person to spend time with women, generally the less they feel lonely. This is true for anyone, both men and women. It is probably because women are more sympathetic and concerned with the lives of others.

- People will not feel lonely, if they have a meaningful relationship with a man and it applies to both women and men. Wheeler explained that if a relationship to be meaningful, the relationships involve a lot of openness, a lot of intimacy.

The University of Denver study also showed similar results. In a lonely middle-aged group have anything to do with marriage. Husband seems less intimate. In their relationship no open communication. "For example, many women who complain that they often cry after their husbands sleep. Problem is they feel there is no communication with her husband," said Shaver. People who are divorced or abandoned by their partner dies desperately need social support and sympathy.

Do not compare yourself with others

"People increasingly feel lonely when he compares himself with people who are happy. Excitement could be seen of daily life, but can also be from television or a particular program that shows the ideal family life." Shaver feels that the TV can not cope with feelings of isolation. "People are lonely watch television for distraction, as an alternative social life. Yet simultaneously they turn off the TV, the interaction was also dead. They had never participated in any activity."

According to Shaver tackling loneliness key is to focus on other people's feelings, interests of others and the needs of others while trying to forget the trouble yourself. Shaver also suggested that people who are lonely it is to follow the activities of a group that has in common with either his personal politics, cooking or religious activities.

Learning to hear

"You deal with people who have the same values ​​and you can develop a solid friendship." Study professor Shaver and his colleagues also found that lonely people are usually afraid of being alone. They are not used to seeing the positive side of loneliness as a time of rest, reflection or listening musk. People who know how to fill the loneliness usually do not feel lonely. Wheeler also seen the impact of loneliness on emotional and physical well-being. "Women seem to be more alone than in men. Yet it may be because men always keep the image of courage and believes a masculine man does not deserve the impression of loneliness," he said. Wheeler concludes that in order to cope with loneliness one has to learn to develop social skills. "We have to learn how to express themselves on issues and the lives of others, how to be more assertive and be a good listener."

Source: Ruth Winter